Sunday, September 18, 2016

ch ch ch changes..

its already September and Im wondering if i give a fuck about anything...the election...the chill in the air, or that bitch Hillary Clinton!  Who needs this planet and its retardation protocol? When the leaves turn yellow to orange and red to brown and green again, do they ask questions? No. Therefore from this moment on I have no beliefs, I believe in NOTHING. Everything changes.  Hi, my name is MWA and I'm your host....

Friday, September 13, 2013

Did you take your medication?

It's just like any other frigid Saturday afternoon in February, except today I'm in a doctor's office sitting nervously next to my ex-boyfriend. The Physician calmly strolls in and says, “I'm sorry, but your test results came back HIV positive.” The sentences that followed continued to drift, but the word “positive” stuck to my ears like some abnormal growth. My heart plummets, while in that same breath my ex finds exaltation, his health unscathed. As the look on their faces turn to pity, their utterances of reassurance leave me without solace. They have no idea of what I'm about to embark on, and neither do I.

It's June, and my disbelief is thwarted by the fact that the calendar tacked to my wall does not lie. Denial and warm liquor have filled the last three months. The mildewy air awakens me from last night's cocaine fueled bitterness. I don't shower. I don't want to see the person staring back at me in the mirror. Yesterday my physician informed me I have AIDS, after a T-cell count of 45. T-cells are considered a marker of how well one's immune system is functioning. According to the Center For Disease Control, anything under 200 is a quick march to death. A drug cocktail was introduced to me that might elevate my t-cells and render my viral load undetectable, meaning the levels of HIV found in my blood will be too low to be detected. My current viral load is 136,000 c/ml, the disease runs rampant. I'm out of time, or so they keep telling me.

When you find out you have HIV, something weird happens, you realize you're not immortal. You realize that you're in this less than desireable group of human beings. You wake up every morning terrified that death lurks around the corner. You look in the mirror for signs of facial wasting, terrified you will become an AIDS monster. Your life is not your own.

Growing up a black gay kid in the South, I never felt free. Cynicism and caution befriended me, like the air space I inhabited was toxic. Over the years, and from numerous sources, the message delivered was: you are insignificant. HIV only confirmed that belief. AIDS is not a chosen way of life or punishment for “immoral” acts, but a symptom of those, like myself, who already felt invisible. With a disease as unfair as the world we live in, the rules change. Experts can't agree if HIV even exists. According to, since 1984 more than 100,000 papers have been published on HIV. None of these papers, singly or collectively, have been able to effectively prove that HIV causes AIDS. However much like racism and homophobia, if people are suffering, do we really need a conclusive report proving its existence? There are no definitives, my doctor cannot look me in the eye and tell me I'll live til I'm 80, nor can he guarantee anyone a long and prosperous life. We are all living by faith. My situation is a simple reflection of life, perhaps in fast forward.

In the new millineum options are vast and information is a click away. However eradication still appears off in the distance, leaving us perplexed. The other day I watched a documentary about prescription drugs and the business of disease in America. One of the concerns raised was that when one ingests three or more medications, the outcome is unpredictable, leaving the patient vulnerable to various chronic conditions. Statistically our lives are better now, in light of innovative discoveries, but like a hitman, HIV stalks the body. Waiting to strike.

What am I certain of? I'm certain there are mysteries in life that will never be explained. I'm certain that tomorrow there will be another thing that I'm not certain of. I'm certain that disease is just that, DIS-ease.

At night when I lay in bed thoughts begin to linger behind the veil of HIV. Should I expect a miracle, scientists conclusions or be bold enough to heal myself? In my dreams these questions don't exist.

Friday, April 19, 2013

marcus white power


1. Shelter your needs - Juliette Lewis and the Licks
2. Time Bomb - 311
3. As we enter - Nas & Damien Marley
4. Waiting for my ruca - Sublime
5. Hot fudge - Busta Rhymes
6. shake yer dix - PEACHES
7. more human than human - White Zombie
8. On & On - Macy Gray
9>we might feel unsound - james blake
10. Silver - Shadow Dancer
11. nightmare on figg st - Schoolboy Q

Friday, January 11, 2013


Track List

1. Good News - Kings Herald
2. Ronnie Talk 2 Russia - Prince
3. Women Beat Their Men - Submission
4. Bad Girls NYC - Princess Superstar
5. Take It All - Adele
6. Frank Sinatra - CAKE
7. Submerge: Til We Become The Sun - Maxwell
8. No Bones - Yeasayer
9. Get Back - Tony Touch
10. Helga The Witch - MWA
11. Wolf Like Me - TV on the Radio
12. Relax - Peaches
13.We're In This Together - NIN
14. Space - The Supervillains
15. Controversy - Prince
16. Don't Fucking Tell Me What To Do - Robyn
17. Minimal track
18. Death Suite - Erol Alkan & Boys Noize
19. Fierce - Azealia Banks x Paris is Burning
20. I Am Bro
21. Trumpet
22. Pussycat Meow(Murk Boys Miami Mix) - DeeeLite
23. Ring Mutilation - Discodeine
24. Grace - Discodeine
25. MINI
26. Yeah Come On - George Morel